Editor’s Note: Past FCO President and dedicated member, Frank Rodriguez, shows that the literary talents of the Club can be found in fly fishers who look deeply into what fishing means to them. Enjoy these two pieces of introspection and personal philosophy. LKH
Acceptance as Fly Fishing Motivation
Speaking of acceptance as an underlying motivation for me as a fly fisher is complicated because it comes from a source much deeper than fish can swim.
This writing is a brief exploration of the possibility that acceptance is ultimately the root of why some people fish.
From the fishing related perspective, I tie the fly, build the leader, wade as unobtrusively as possible and cast the fly all in hopes of acceptance of my presence and my offering by the fish.
I am aware some readers will question the relevance of questioning the relationship between fishing and acceptance and if so, this writing may not be for you. I accept there can be seen an overthinking absurdity related to my associating the “acceptance” of which I speak to pursuit of trout. Please remember this is writing and the intention is about fishing, so for me beyond the challenge of writing this piece, there is the possibility of understanding and even enjoying the sublimated desire for acceptance projected onto the fly fishing experience.
I do not assume to speak about that which motivates others to fish, and I do believe I have acceptance-based addictions sourced in my childhood wounds which fly fishing soothes for me.
I believe it is possible to act out or feed addictions in positive ways by acting with conscious awareness, consideration of impacts and full awareness of which parts of myself are fed by my choice.
Something else about acceptance which is relevant to fly fishing and IMJ, life in general. That is until I accept something as a part of me there is little possibility of me changing that part of me.
When I can accept my casting is lacking only then I can take a look and create the needed change. When I am willing to accept my knots have not been holding; I can then consider needed change.
A few nights ago, I was fishing a stream with multiple trout rising around me. I could not tie an acceptable 4x to 5x blood knot. It took me five tries before one held to stretch. The alternative at the time was to accept good enough and possibly break off a fish.
The word integrity comes to mind. Integrity is when my words and my actions are in alignment. For this time in my life the alternative is unacceptable.
Fishing Time
I don’t eat the fish I catch. That said, the question is why fish if not for tangible reward? My answer could be based in my psychological make up as discussed in an earlier essay titled, “Acceptance” or currently my thinking is, I fly fish for the same reasons people rock climb or mountaineer. Not, as Hillary suggests, ”Because it’s there” but, “I fish because I am there.”
So much of contemporary life is vicarious: reading about others, watching others, listening to others, answering to others. In contrast, my fly fishing activities are about and for me.
The concept Axis mundi relates to the energetic center between poles. The Earth has a north and south axis connecting the poles. Likewise each human may also be considered as having an energetic center, or axis.
Much of contemporary life is other centered especially when considering family and work. In the midst of our desire to serve; it is easy to lose our center.
I have found having places in life where I experience myself from within, living from center is essential to my feelings of well being. This may explain why an individual’s presence with a mountain, a rock face, a garden, or for our purposes, a body of water feeds undefinable parts of self.
An indicator for me of the quality of my experience is where time is altered or disappears. A chosen awareness related to this are those places where feeding my addictions may also lead to my experiencing a disappearance of time and a temporary sense of satisfaction.
The topics are why I fish and my fly fishing’s relationship to time. There are simple answers and I find the man I am and choose to be knows there is a deeper answer.
Also, I believe the quality of questions enhance the quality of answers. Questions like: ”What do you want?” “What would that give you?” “What might get into the way?” are revealing of the topic.
What I want is to experience the way I feel about myself when I have been actively involved as a fly fisher and outdoor related activities. What that gives me is a sense of personal value and environmental presence. What could get in the way is any number of excuses I can create to stay at home.
The question remains and is constant: Who do I want to be in this moment and what actions will create my desired result?
Frank Rodriguez
